Sex with the Dead
Top Ten Best things about sex with the dead, not sorted by gender.
- The dead never have a headache
- A dead chick always swallows
- A dead chick doesn't mind sleeping in the wet spot
- After a few days, a dead dude never gets soft
- A dead chick is never on the rag. (Or maybe they always are, I'm not sure)
- The dead never finish first
- The dead never say "Is it in yet?" "You mean that's it?" or "Watch the teeth!"
- The dead don't mind a golden shower, cameras or bondage
- After a coupla weeks, you can ditch the lubricant
- Sometimes after sex you get the munchies (with apologies to J Dahmer)
Top Ten Worst things about sex with the dead
- After a couple weeks, they tend to stick to one position, not to mention the sheets
- The wet spot gets bigger every time
- After sex in a jaccuzzi, you need a new one
- In a word--Morning Breath of the Dead
- Can tip over in more sophisticated positions unless you employ a spotter
- More difficult to dispose of than used condom unless you own a garbage disposal or pizza place
- Hard to store, but then you don't have to blow them up
- Messy when autopsy suture opens
- Fly strips get caught in your hair
- Hard to stay excited with other mourners trying to get you off casket