Computer Jargon

Acronyms:

APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
BASIC: Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
DEC: Do Expect Cuts
DOS: Defunct Operating System
IBM: I'll Buy Macintosh; I Blame Microsoft
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
JAVA: Just Another Vile Applet
LAN: Least Accessible Network
LCD: Looks Completely Dark; Lousy, Crappy Display
Linux: Lowly Immitation, Not Unix/Xenix
LISP: Lots of Insidious Spurious Parenthesis
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
Microsoft: Micro and Soft
NC: Not Compatible
OS/2: Half an Operating System; Obsolete Soon, Too
PC: Primitive Computer; Piece of Crap; Psegmented Computer
PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
Pentium: Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics; Practically Everyone Now Thinks It's Useless for Math
PERL: Pathologically Eclectic Rubbish Lister
PNP: Plug and Pray
PS/2: Piece of Shit, too; Half a computer
Recursive: (see Recursive)
SCSI: System Can't See It
SQL: Slow Query Language; Stupid Query Language
SNA: Scapegoat Network Architecture
Windows NT: Windows?... No Thanks!!!
WWW: World Wide Wait; Wait Wait Wait

Alternative Names:

Amiga: Amoeba
Berkeley: Berzerkeley
Data General: Dirty Genitals
Diskless Workstation: Dickless Workstation
Fortran: Fortrash
HP-UX: HP-sUX
IBM 360: IBM Three-Sickly
Internet Explorer: Internet Exploiter; Internet Excrement; Internet Exploder
Macintosh: Macintrash; Macintoy
Microsoft: Microsucks; Microsloth
MS-DOS: Messy-DOG
Solaris: Slowlaris
SunOS: ScumOS
Windows: Windoze
Windows95: Weirdos95
Windows Network: Windows Not Work; Windows Nyet Work (Russian Version)

Trademarks:

Bumper Stickers:

S.KRAUSE